Don't Give up on Your Marriage

Till death do us part... Well, why not? I find today that so many couples opt for divorce or separation rather than working through their problems. The moment something goes wrong in a marriage, it is often a downward spiral towards the end of their relationship. I am not a marriage Councillor or have had an education in relationships but what I have had is a marriage that has had more than it's fair share of trials and tribulations. Yet here I am twenty five years later and I consider myself to have a wonderful marriage. Filled with love, laughter and respect.

I am not going to go into detail about what was wrong with my marriage but I can say that many friends and family members suggested divorce more than I would like to admit. The amount of stress from financial difficulties and negative emotions was enough to make anyone run for the hills. I was at the point in my marriage where I just gave up trying and wanting to make it work. I blamed my husband and he in return would blame me for our problems. At that stage in our marriage I didn't even like him but financially I was unable to leave and I had two small sons that needed to be considered. I was just existing day to day and did my best to hide any problems from the boys. I just assumed it was a matter of time before our marriage was over and there was nothing I could do or to be honest wanted to do about it.

One day on my way home from work, I was listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio. Now, I don't always agree with her and I know many people feel the same way, but that day she literally changed my life. A woman called in saying she didn't love her husband. There was nothing there anymore and she wanted to leave him. Dr. Laura asked if she had any children and said that she had two children under twelve. Dr. Laura immediately shut her down, telling her nothing is more important in her life than her children's well being and happiness. She told her if she wants her marriage to be better than make it better. Treat him with love and respect and he will in return do the same to her. Dr. Laura then guaranteed that if this woman did as she said, her marriage could be saved. I drove home thinking about what she said and decided I was going to change my attitude and behavior towards my husband. I had to do this, for me, for him and for our sons. So, I went home and smiled more, hugged him for no apparent reason, told him I loved him out of the blue and put him first for the first time in a very long time. At first he looked at me like he didn't know what was going on but it didn't take long for him to respond to me in a positive way. Dr. Laura was right. I treated him better and in return he treated me better. Then the unthinkable thing happened, I was thrilled with his new behavior towards me which only made me continue with my new goal which was to save my failing marriage. It was like a snowball effect once we started. Not only did this save my marriage but we fell in love again and 12 years later our love is stronger than ever.

I am not saying that we don't get on each others nerves at times or have arguments but they are never serious because we won't let that happen. In the recent years we have struggled financially because of a failing business. Normally this would destroy a family. Instead of taking it out on him, when I am ready to fall apart, I hug him. It somehow gives us hope that if we are okay together, we can get through anything.

So believe me if we can fix our marriage, one that would make Dr. Phil shake his head then almost any couple can do the same. Don't expect a miracle over night but it can be done. It is a lot of hard work but it is so worth it.